June 2008 Archives
Chocolate Covered Stawberries Hold Special Meaning
Penn
Rebuilding has been somewhat of a slow process, and I never knew a fruit stand could break someone’s heart. But each time I drive by it on Del Dios, my heart hurts just a bit when I remember it before the fires. Don’t worry, it’s being rebuilt, but it is taking time. Sometimes the greatest things in life take time, like dipping chocolate strawberries just the right way so they are perfect for their customer.
Continue reading Chocolate Covered Stawberries Hold Special Meaning
Sunday and ready for the week
It was warm out tonight. So we took a stroll. We found a place to go. We went out searching for ourselves, our place and we found us there, looking at us from the inside out. Sometimes life shows you the signs. All you have to do is look. Look and you will see where to go. Got, it. Know when to say when in life.
Isn’t that the truth?
m
Chocolate Strawberries for Charity
Today I made almost 1000 chocolate strawberries with my fiance and his mother. They own Lemon Twist, a flower/fruit stand that burned down in the fires last October. Who knew that a fruit stand could break my heart, but every time I drive by there and see what was left after the raging blazes came through the Ranch I am heartbroken by it’s demise. However, it shall be rebuilt. In the process of permits and today Katie, Robin and I all worked together as team to celebrate Lemon Twist and to donate these delicious chocolate strawberries at the Hollywoof! event tonight in Rancho Santa Fe. $360.00 a ticket to $750.00. Robin and I will be working the booth. Just to feel the business back in some form or another has made me pleasantly happy today. Katie Shull started the business almost 30 years. It’s location has become a well known landmark affiliated with The Ranch community.
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Continue reading KIWI AUDIO VISUAL- A Sophisticated Audio VisualCompany
Around Town, June 6th issue, Randy Beecher’s 15th year celebration
AROUND TOWN, Machel’s Ranch, Ranchosfnews.com
On May 17th, I ventured to the Stump’s Market, alson known in town as the Village Market that beautiful Saturday morning. Right in front of the the store were two booths sides by side. Behind the first booth sat Grace Reynolds, with her mother, Patrice Reynolds. They were sitting there withe homemade chocolate chips and lemonade. They were all smiles as they told me about the trip to Uganda, Grace was rasing money for, which was the Santa Fe Heritage Children’s Foundation. On the other side, sat Bette Cope who was bring voting awareness to the Ranch. She said she was proud to volunteer for each political party to have a chance to register on such a glorious sunny day.
Later that evening, I ventured out with one of my ‘gal pals’ to the Rancho Santa Fe Inn. The sun was setting and the evening had the purple hue cascading across the lawn while we sat and enjoyed appetizers, while the sun set behind us. We happened upon Don McVay, who told us of how his three boys just loved to play at the Inn. The hotel is always nice enough to accommodate the parents there, while the children are able to run around the grounds, just in eye shot of mom and dad. Zack, Michael and Nick posed for a brief moment while they were patiently waiting for their macaroni and cheese. In case you didn’t know, that’s one of their best items in the menu. I try to stay away from it when I can. But at least twice a month, I stroll up to the Inn for their delicious treat. I hope they don’t hate me for not touting the other dishes, but someone has to let the Ranch know who has the best mac ‘n cheese in town! Just ask the McVay boys…
On May 22nd, which is my Father’s Birthday, Over 300 people attended a gala event at the San Diego Air and Space Museum on May 22, 2008. Bob Jackson, who most know as one of the developer of the Bridges invited me to the event. Unfortunately, ‘mommy duty’ kept me away. But he was nice enough to share this copy with me about the event: This was a joint venture by both the museum and The Distinguished Flying Cross Society to initiate a new exhibit at the museum. The exhibit, which will be interactive, will honor genuine American Aviation heroes with the centerpiece being the magnificent painting “Distinguished Flying Cross’ by the great American Master Artist, Ruth Mayer. The painting, which includes 22 aircraft, 29 people, and 21 actual DFC recipients, was donated to the DFC Society by Ruth and the original is currently displayed in the museum. Out of the 21 DFC recipients in the painting, fourteen of them are from Southern California, including eleven from San Diego County. These are Dan King, Bob Jackson, Sid Zimman, Gen E. Yul Yoon, Armando Espinoza, Reed Phillips, BGen Cardenas, Chuck Sweeney, Michael O’Neil, Mac McWhorter, and Herman Herdt.
On May 23rd, Randy Beecher celebrated his 15th Anniversary as the main piano player for Mille Fleurs in Rancho Santa Fe. I met Randy almost three years ago and my life has never been the same. How nice to know I have a place that ‘knows my name’, while Randy sings. He has been kind enough, maybe too kind to let me share his microphone and sing some of my favorite songs with him, like ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ and ‘Moonriver’. But that didn’t happen on Friday night. Luckily his front row hitters were there to sing with him, while the Ranch celebrated with joy the fun Randy has brought to this elegant town. I happened to catch this gorgeous photo o that gen X crowd, Robin Shull, Melissa Willams, and Julien Hug. Isn’t she the lucky girl for the evening? Some of the other guest who attended that evening was the lovely Sacha Boutros and the designer extraordinaire, Janice Jaraicie. Janice designs the chic brand Nelli, which can be found at the Bridges Boutique, or you can check out her website at nellieusa.com.
On May 24th, the party continued at Mille Fleurs, and Meredith MacDonald arrived one day fashionably late for the festivities. However, I don’t think Randy Beecher looked that unhappy at her tardiness. He looks rather fabulous next to Meredith, while I snapped this gorgeous photo of the two of them looking cozy that Saturday night.
One last reminder. Don’t miss out on this fabulous fundraiser: Save this date for Hollywoof! Coming to Rancho Santa Fe on June 7th, 2008. This festive event will be held at the Fairbanks Village Plaza in Rancho Santa Fe starting at 6:30 p.m. to midnight. This evening is will benefit the Helen Woodward Animal Center. This 20th Annual Spring Fling is inviting the guest to be transported back to the “Golden Age of Hollywood, when the Silver Screen actors were still real movie stars. Enjoy a night of bidding at the auction and sip signature martinis while the pianist accepts music requests from the lovely guests. Call now to reserve your seat at 858-756-4117 and ask for Julie Watkins, the event coordinator for this fabulous night meeting and mingling under the stars…
Coming up this June 15th is a day we must mark on the Calandars for our favorite best Fathers! Make sure you treat them to around of golf or a juicy hamburger down at Delicias. Well, that would be Thursday nights–hamburger nights. My son Jackson is finishing up second grade this summer and is about to board a plane to Iowa for one month. His proud Father Michael Tuck and I will miss him over the summer, but what fun he’ll have with Grandma and Grandpa. Luckily for him they have a three story house, not just a fifth wheeler!
Upcoming Events, June 17th: One of my favorite persons walking this planet is Patricia Savarese. Her splendid gallery is located on the 101 Highway just near Leucadia Blvd. Patricia was kind enough to donate some of her fine art piece to help me raise money for Leukemia a couple of years ago. Her taste in art is insightful and luminous. Her last event was right around Mother’s Day in May. But don’t miss the next one. Have any young children or even adults heard of Harry Potter? Well, on June 14th, the illustrator of the Harry Potter movies will be exhibiting his work at Gallery Savarese. Don’t forget to mark your calendars for this one, it’s one straight from Hollywood. Contact Patricia at savaresetoo@yahoo.com if you have any questions regarding this evening.
Continue reading Around Town, June 6th issue, Randy Beecher’s 15th year celebration
The Secret’s Out! My Favorite Place in Rancho Santa Fe…
My happy place in the Ranch
Machel’s Ranch
Machel Penn
More Machel’s Ranch
Saying goodbye all over again: my parents’ departure
June 06, 2008
Do you have a happy place? I do. I have that one special place I can go and get away from this life, enjoy some fine music, eat delicious food and dine with the finest people.
What is the name of my happy place? If you know me, you might laugh. If you know my son, you might see him there right after school with Robin having a Cherry Coke and some Goldfish crackers. If you know me, this is an easy question. But if you don’t, I will no longer keep this a secret.
My happy place? Mille Fleurs, you know the French restaurant in town on Paseo Delicias? Right across from that hummingbird nest I mentioned in my last column. That restaurant is the place I might even call my home away from home.
I have been avoiding writing this column for some time. I have tried to stay away from writing about my happy place. I have tried to avoid sharing with you all this wonderful secret. I wanted to keep it more of a private affair. But after enjoying Randy Beecher’s 15th anniversary bash May 23, I will share my well-kept secret with everyone. My happy spot is MF. That’s the code for it in my life. I call it that because it’s discussed enough to be reduced to the initials for texting and that sort of juvenile thing.
Is anyone asking me to write this?
No. No one is asking me to write this. This is my own opinion, my column to share with you my perspectives on life. With that said, I am going to delve into the history of how I happened upon the place I love to frequent in Rancho Santa Fe.
When did I discover Mille Fleurs? I think the first time I stumbled across this jewel was in 1992 with some good friends of mine. I had only been in California three years. So I was discovering uncharted waters, which included Rancho Santa Fe and the surrounding areas. I remember driving down Interstate 5 and exiting at Via de la Valle for the first time. I remember going to the Plaza in Del Mar when they used to have the most fabulous book store, (I think the name of it was Esmeralda) and I remember driving down the windy roads into a thick forest to uncover this town that looked like something in New Mexico. Of course, this was my first perception of the Ranch. I was enchanted by the red-bricked courtyard and some restaurant with high-beamed ceilings, French windows and a roaring fireplace next to where I dined almost 16 years ago. Gosh, that makes me feel so ancient to write that statement, but it’s true.
Then in 1999, I was transported to Rancho Santa Fe by my ex-husband, the man who is my son’s father, Michael Tuck. He loved Mille Fleurs. He would frequently go there after work and sit at the bar and talk to the lovely staff that worked there. Back then, I was shy. I was more reserved. I was recovering from culture shock. You know, Hollywood to the eucalyptus trees type of thing. I was indeed in awe of this whole place. With time, life changes and so did mine.
After my divorce, I left the Ranch for a short while and moved to Carmel Valley. But only a couple years later, fate would have it I went to work for another newspaper in this town that was really a wonderful experience for me. That was almost four years ago. It was at that time around Thanksgiving break when I walked back into Mille Fleurs and started establishing it as my hangout.
I went through one period where every Friday for happy hour all of my friends I worked with would head over there before the big crowds rolled in. We had so much fun. We basically did what we wanted … that is as long as we were elegant and good. That was the period when we would all giggle a bit too loudly and we were constantly reprimanded by the staff — in a sweet way though.
Another time, I think it was the summer of 2006, I held a fundraiser there inside the courtyard to raise money to fight leukemia — for a good friend of mine who was running in a marathon in Hawaii. I must say it was somewhat of a success. I still remember the Nicole Miller dress and the shoes I wore that night. My feet never hurt more than that evening. Never forget to break your shoes in before you wear them, even if they are designer!
The next chapter at MF was when my good friend Krista Lafferty and a few other girls would gather together there, usually on Thursday nights. We would listen to Randy Beecher (I shall call him Randy from this point on) play upbeat, happy tunes as the night became our evening of ridiculous fun. Trust me, there have been stories. There have been rumors amongst me and my friends, but nothing too scandalous … well, then again, there might be a few I will forget to mention in print. But really, it was more like that Cyndi Lauper song “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”
The next time frame would have to be when my sister arrived in California last summer. When my sister Tracy arrived on the scene, my life literally changed. But of course, I had to take her to Mille Fleurs. I thought she would find it stuffy. I was only planning on taking her there once or twice. But imagine us there for almost five weeks last year! She couldn’t get enough of the place. She just loved it. We ate in all of the areas, except the back room. The courtyard, the bar, the dining room next to the bar. We danced; we stood outside under the stars and stared at the beautiful lights wrapped around the trees while sipping fancy champagne under green umbrellas. That summer we shall both remember always.
I thought when Tracy boarded the plane that would be the end of the long run. You know, time to try something new. One of my good friend’s husband actually asked me once, “Do you know what a rut is?”
“Uh, well yes,” I replied.
“Well, you’re in one now. Can’t you find a new hangout?”
“Yes. I have tried, but when you want something, you just want it. Sometimes there are no explanations for it.”
“Oh.” He didn’t know what to make of that retort.
My last and final period was when I started dating my fiancé, Robin Shull. The day after my sister left last summer we began our courtship there in the piano bar and the courtyard, while Randy played romantic melodies causing us to gaze into each other’s eyes just a few moments longer than we would at the other places we frequented. Could it be my favorite place is also magical?
So here I am now. I want to say proudly after ascertaining my great love for this place, there are many reasons why I am enchanted with “a thousand flowers” — the English meaning of the French words Mille Fleurs. Recently, I held a party there for my girlfriend, and a newcomer came up and asked me, “What do you find endearing about this place?” Good question for the girl stuck in a rut.
“Well, No. 1, it’s classy and elegant,” I replied. “No. 2, they only have the nicest staff in town (think Cheers here, everyone knows your name), and No. 3, it makes me happy.”
This patron managed to give it a shot and stay awhile. He came up to me later and said, “I see what you’re talkin’ about.”
This is my moment to say cheers to this place that makes my life feel extra special when I can’t escape San Diego. Cheers for always being there and making my friends and family feel like rock stars when really we’re just wannabes. Cheers to the staff that watches, laughs and roars each week with a new vignette inside the enchanted walls. Cheers for just being so much darned fun. Most people think of only fine dining when it comes to Mille Fleurs, but ask the girl who can’t manage to stay away from the place even when her wallet would ask her otherwise. Sometimes the greatest things in life are the discoveries we make along the way and the friends we are lucky enough to share our lives with while the piano player sings …
Around Town
On May 17, I ventured to Stump’s Market, also known in town as the Village Market. It was a beautiful Saturday morning. Right in front of the store were two booths sides by side. Behind the first booth sat Grace Reynolds, with her mother Patrice Reynolds. They were sitting there with homemade chocolate chip cookies and lemonade. They were all smiles as they told me about the trip to Uganda that Grace was raising money for, which was for the Santa Fe Heritage Children’s Foundation. On the other side sat Bette Cope, who was bringing voting awareness to the Ranch. She said she was proud to volunteer for each political party to have a chance to register on such a glorious sunny day.
Later that evening, I ventured out with one of my gal-pals to the Inn at Rancho Santa Fe. The sun was setting and the evening had a purple hue cascading across the lawn while we sat and enjoyed appetizers. We happened upon Don McVay, who told us of how his three boys just loved to play at the Inn. The hotel is always nice enough to accommodate the parents there, while the children are able to run around the grounds, just in eyeshot of Mom and Dad. Zack, Michael and Nick paused for a brief moment while they were patiently waiting for their macaroni and cheese. In case you didn’t know, that’s one of their best items in the menu. I try to stay away from it when I can. But at least twice a month, I stroll up to the Inn for their delicious treat. I hope they don’t hate me for not touting the other dishes, but someone has to let the Ranch know who has the best mac ‘n’ cheese in town! Just ask the McVay boys …
On May 22, which is my father’s birthday, more than 300 people attended a gala event at the San Diego Air and Space Museum. Bob Jackson, who most know as one of the developers of The Bridges, invited me to the event. Unfortunately, “mommy duty” kept me away. But he was nice enough to share this copy with me about the event: “This was a joint venture by both the museum and The Distinguished Flying Cross Society to initiate a new exhibit at the museum. The exhibit, which will be interactive, will honor genuine American Aviation heroes with the centerpiece being the magnificent painting “Distinguished Flying Cross’ by the great American Master Artist, Ruth Mayer. The painting, which includes 22 aircraft, 29 people, and 21 actual DFC recipients, was donated to the DFC Society by Ruth and the original is currently displayed in the museum. Out of the 21 DFC recipients in the painting, fourteen of them are from Southern California, including eleven from San Diego County. These are Dan King, Bob Jackson, Sid Zimman, Gen E. Yul Yoon, Armando Espinoza, Reed Phillips, BGen Cardenas, Chuck Sweeney, Michael O’Neil, Mac McWhorter, and Herman Herdt.”
On May 23, Randy Beecher celebrated his 15th anniversary as the main piano player for Mille Fleurs. I met Randy almost three years ago and my life has never been the same. How nice to know I have a place that “knows my name” while Randy sings. He has been kind enough, maybe too kind, to let me share his microphone and sing some of my favorite songs with him, like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “Moonriver.” But that didn’t happen on Friday night. Luckily, his front row hitters were there to sing with him, while the Ranch celebrated with joy the fun Randy has brought to this elegant town. I happened to catch a gorgeous photo of the Gen X crowd, Robin Shull, Melissa Willams and Julien Hug. Isn’t she the lucky girl for the evening? Some of the other guests who attended that evening were the lovely Sacha Boutros and designer extraordinaire Janice Jaraichie. Janice designs the chic brand Nelli, which can be found at the Bridges Boutique, or you can check out her Web site at nellieusa.com.
On May 24, the party continued at Mille Fleurs and Meredith MacDonald arrived one day fashionably late for the festivities. However, I don’t think Randy Beecher looked too unhappy about her tardiness. He looked rather fabulous next to Meredith, while I snapped a gorgeous photo of the two of them looking cozy that Saturday night.
One last reminder! Save this date for Hollywoof! coming to Rancho Santa Fe on June 7. This festive event will be held at the Fairbanks Village Plaza in Rancho Santa Fe starting at 6:30 p.m. and ending at midnight. This evening will benefit the Helen Woodward Animal Center. This 20th annual spring fling invites guests to be transported back to the “Golden Age of Hollywood,” when the silver screen actors were still real movie stars. Enjoy a night of bidding at the auction and sip signature martinis while the pianist accepts music requests from the lovely guests. Call now to reserve your seat at (858) 756-4117 and ask for Julie Watkins, the event coordinator for this fabulous night of meeting and mingling under the stars.
Coming up June 15 is a day we must mark on the calendars for our favorite best fathers! Make sure you treat them to around of golf or a juicy hamburger down at Delicias. Well, that would be Thursday nights — hamburger nights. My son Jackson is finishing up second grade this summer and is about to board a plane to Iowa for one month. His proud father Michael Tuck and I will miss him over the summer, but what fun he’ll have with Grandma and Grandpa. Luckily for him, they have a three-story house, not just a fifth wheeler!
Upcoming Events
June 14: One of my favorite people walking this planet is Patricia Savarese. Her splendid gallery is located on the 101 Highway just near Leucadia Boulevard. Patricia was kind enough to donate some of her fine art pieces to help me raise money to fight leukemia a couple of years ago. Her taste in art is insightful and luminous. Her last event was right around Mother’s Day in May. But don’t miss the next one. Have any young children or even adults that might have heard of Harry Potter? Well, June 14 the illustrator of the “Harry Potter” movies will be exhibiting his work at Gallery Savarese. Don’t forget to mark your calendars for this
one, it’s one straight from Hollywood. Contact Patricia at savaresetoo@yahoo.com if you have any questions regarding this evening.
Contact columnist Machel Penn via e-mail at mpenn@coastnewsgroup.com.
Continue reading The Secret’s Out! My Favorite Place in Rancho Santa Fe…
Thick clouds outside my window blanket the sky
- Outside my window is a blanket of clouds. Have you seen them? They are no breaks in the sky, only a blanket of gray like a quilt hanging closely to the earth. There is moisture in the air. The is an absence of joy. I feel the June gloom, which is lovely to my spirit. It sits silently above the Ranch. I am intrigued by this weather. I am intrigued by the quiet still air, the way the earth feels silent and how I love to wear my pajamas, the kind that are sexy, but more flannel and baggy, when the weather like this comes and sits in. I am sitting, too. I am sitting and contemplating that there is only joy in the sky when there is sun. Have you noticed that? I tend to like the melancholy mood, the grayness that pervades the stillness of what I like to forget inside my heart. Pieces and images of moments that are stuck like a movie from different parts of my life. When there is no movement outside, I have noticed people like to stay in and eat more food, Hence the weight problem in the Midwest. Hence, the dramatic moments women have when there is no sky streaked with the glorious sun. The dank earth welcomes me to sit and to be still. There is a line from a book that stays with me and I feel rather inclined to not share what book that is. I feel rather inclined to be removed and to be silent tonight. Enough. There is much to talk about but I don’t feel like talking, or sharing. There is too much shared in life sometimes. It is much better to be silent and still, like that book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. I met him one time. I did. We share the same birthday and I told him his numerology book should be pushed more and there was incredible insight. He looked at me like I was nuts. I never forgot that. Sometimes a person cannot see their own brilliance. They are too close to their own greatness, their light is too bright for them to see within their own souls. I think that. I have many friends like that. I have many amazing friends that are more than me. I like to surround myself with people that are out of reach-great.
Don’t quote me on that. It’s just a fact.
m
Continue reading Thick clouds outside my window blanket the sky
Machel’s Ranch, plus Around Town, May 23rd, 2008
“Under the eucalyptus trees.”
I dreamt that statement over and over while I was sleeping this weekend. I dreamt about the Crosby and the history of this place I live. Now it is raining outside my window and my soul sings silently with joy.
Something about the rain has always spoken deep into my heart, to that untapped place I have stayed away from.
Look away, I hear. So I do. Sometimes life is not meant to be looked at through a microscope. Sometimes life just is.
So there is a light breeze coming in from my window. The computer lights the corner of my room. There in the softness of my brow hang the paintings I have painted. They are there in my line of sight, slightly behind the computer light.
There is one I painted in 2002. It is a simple, dark-night ocean sky with a full moon lighting the ship in the middle of the night. The ocean is soft turbulent gray, full of browns. I remember sitting in that kitchen in Torrey Hills. I remember sitting there and feeling the kitchen was large and spacious. I remember splashing lots of paints across the canvas.
There are hidden secrets of my soul that were finding light buried in canvas underneath the oil, the paint, my imagination, the copy of a famous painter’s mind. I sat there and painted them desperately. Hoping to find me somewhere in the middle.
Now it is 2008. Life moved swiftly. I remember different periods. I remember Jackson in preschool. I remember buying a townhouse and painting it and neglecting a two-car garage. I remember friends there in that house. I remember parties with Arbonne women. I remember this life soaking up parts of my soul while the paintings remained stationary on the wall, while time slowly took it’s time. While time slowly removed them from that wall to another. Now they are hidden in the shadow of the computer light in the line of my brow. Your eyes are the mirrors to your thoughts, to your mind. Be careful what you think when you are around someone, they may just read your mind.
This is feeling like me again. I am here, open and free in this box and my family is gone and I feel unrestricted again by the restraints of normal things bearing down on me.
I feel with the passage of time, with the departure of my parents.
The Crosby? Where is that man that the road was named after? I remember standing in a pay phone booth in 1992 crying when my mother delivered the news that Audrey Hepburn had just died.
I remember things like that.
I remember that Jackson was frightened last year for his future. I saw it in his eyes. I knew I had to regroup, regain and recharge his life. A new home, new dwelling, and I sent him back to Iowa away from the sickness of his father. I knew I must save him from what was lurking in our back corner — sadness of losing someone you love.
His father recovered. Jackson came back. Our houses shifted foundations and a new life began.
Life began again and the old one did not die either. Life just shifted ever-so-slowly beneath my feet. I held on.
My parents. I love them so. They are truly “rock stars,” as I say. Retired now, they are enjoying their life. Sometimes I miss the Midwest, but not tonight. I am open to California. The cold wet water on the soles of my feet sparked something, a memory, a thought, and a momentum of typing that is bringing me back to this place that keeps me light and sane. Writing is like my well of hope. I cannot always predict the future. My life might go awry, things may slip away and fall but this does not. It is solid and silent, the typing of my fingers.
I remember last year at this time, I struck up a friendship with a faceless person on MySpace. I thought it was someone I knew already, so I corresponded with him. My sister and I were trying to crack the case, because we weren’t sure if it really was who we thought it to be. It was like a fun jigsaw puzzle. Unfortunately, it almost cracked me. The person broke into my place and I had to file charges with the police. The first night my sister was in California, we were talking to a policeman.
That was not the desired outcome. See, life doesn’t always hand us what we want. It can be nasty and then some. It is up to us what we do and how we do things, how we react to things in this life. It is up to us to rebuild, be something different, see our own fault in a situation and realize that we, too, are fallible, imperfect and at times can we can break under pressure.
That is what I was thinking tonight. I was thinking that as the rain forced me to move my cushions inside. I was thinking how appropriate that the sky would open up and cry for me when I would not earlier as my parents drove away.
I like to remember that life can be just one big downpour of rain, like the cushions coming inside, the ones your parents bought you and it just so happens they were rained on the day the fifth wheel left Oceanside. I don’t want to face the lump in my throat. The feeling that home might have pulled away in the RV. That what felt so full in three weeks might be vacant from my life again. I don’t want ponder those things. I want to feel full. I want to be so exhausted from life I don’t have time to sit here and type. How glorious is that?
To live?
Now there is no gap. It is gone. The lump is falling back to my stomach, the moment is here that I must face the silence of my parents’ departure alone in the dark. You may not understand. You may have never left home 18 years ago. You may see your family often or you might just take them for granted.
Mine are like a thick, fat jungle I want to live in away from this life and hide in and stay.
My parents are wide open to the love of my wishes and dreams. Some people might say they were wrong to encourage me to be a model, but my parents told me to follow my dream, so I did. I followed and followed and I still do. I persist and they are still there telling me I am turning out OK.
Thank you.
What is love?
I think that real love is unconditional. It accepts a person at its lowest, the best, the worst, no performance, nothing. I used to say to my parents, “What if my big dreams don’t come true? Does that make me a failure?”
What I figured out last year when my world cracked beneath me, when all whom I loved and revered lashed out and struck me in some form, was that sometimes success is merely being yourself and surviving. Just getting up each day and doing what needs to be done. Sometimes success is just being a good mother to Jackson and making it to work on time and trying hard right where I am.
If all else fails, keep on. Keep on and this life might open back up and welcome you with sunlight.
This is my story of last year. I think that I have a certain peace now in my life because I hit so low last year alone and I did not let it break me. I did not let what threatened me defeat my inner spirit. And in the end, that is what success is about. Just getting up again and finding the next rung on the ladder on life.
And what can I say? Three weeks of fullness. My son brimming with happiness, the camper full, my stomach full of red meat and hot coffee and eggs. My back hurting from the spring bed in the couch in the camper and a sewing machine that is waiting for a novel to be finished. The last line in that sentence is another blog.
But the rain has now stopped. I feel unplugged. Jackson is sleeping and my parents are somewhere sleeping in the San Fernando Valley, I think.
But for three weeks, they were here and the farm was with me and life was full like that circle I like to mention when I write. I was there in the midst of it and as my parents said, “We’ve never seen you so happy.”
“Really?”
Maybe that’s because for the first time in my life I have discovered that I am already home where I belong. Don’t go quoting Dorothy on me. We can’t help we are from Kansas.
That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Well, my mother is anyway …
Around Town
On May 1st, National Prayer Day was celebrated at the Inn at Rancho Santa Fe. I was on my way to the 16th annual Firefighters Appreciation Dinner given by the Rotary club when I discovered this wonderful event. I snapped a shot of these gorgeous girls from Horizon Christian Prep School in Fairbanks Ranch. They opened the event by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance for their community. More than 100 people gathered to participate in this national event, to help pray for their community and country. I felt honored to be there.
On May 2nd, The Garden Club held its Flower Show. I found out about the event through Pat Merino, who asked the company I work for, Kiwi Audio Visual, to sponsor the event by lending a plasma for their lavish weekend. I went to the celebration Friday evening where they announced the winners of the contest in each category. One of the guests took me aside and pointed to an elderly woman sitting in a wheel chair. “Do you see that woman? She is 102 years old and she won a blue ribbon in today’s event. Isn’t that amazing?” I thought, yes, how wonderful! I walked over to the table and Ruth Milliken, who has lived in Rancho Santa Fe for more than 30 years, allowed me to take her picture. She was beaming with the most beautiful smile, too. That evening the sun was setting, the food was perfect and I felt enchanted by all of the creative flower arrangements that were on display by the Rancho Santa Fe Garden Club.
Later that evening, I walked over to the Inn at Rancho Santa Fe under the stars. You might not be aware, but on Thursdays and Friday evenings, the bar area sets out a complimentary cheese plate with wafer crackers. The mood is romantic and casual. There is no need to travel out of town, especially with the gas prices the way they are, when places such as the Inn offer wonderful little treats for their clients in residence.
On May 9, I was cordially invited to “Muffins for Moms” for Mother’s Day to celebrate with my son, Jackson. His teacher, Mr. Jurgens, had the room decorated lovely with special things all of the children had made specifically for the mothers. Hana proudly hugged her mother, Amina Lusting, while posing for a picture. Each child had written out what M-O-T-H-E-R spells individually about their mom. My son wrote for me the adjective to describe me: Magnificent, outstanding, thoughtful, helpful, entertaining and respectful. I’ve never been happier to call myself a mom. On the actual day, I made homemade sausage, biscuits and gravy, and three quiches for my parents and my fiance’s family. Ahh, the joy of cooking.
On May 12, an anonymous friend in the Ranch told me about a hummingbird nest center in the middle of Paseo Delicias. He explained that with all of the controversy over the strip being put in by Delicias, sometimes we miss the beautiful things right under our noses. He took me out to see it. I was delighted. I then scaled a cement block to reach high enough to take a picture.
Continue reading Machel’s Ranch, plus Around Town, May 23rd, 2008
night, night
June 3rd, now I guess. Wake up tomorrow and expect the world to go your way and watch your doors open. Today I was going up to my office when in the midst of the staircase was a small baby bird that I almost stepped on! Luckily I saw him, first. What would you do? Well, goodness! I had to help poor birdie that was obviously pushed from his nest a bit too early. So, picked him up and held him in my hands. One of the Kiwi guys I work with said, “Let him lose, he can fly.” I thought, no he is wrong. He’s not ready. But he assured me if I held him over the balcony that, indeed this little guy would fly. Guess what? He was right. The little guy flew over to the nearest tree. I watched some other little birdies come over and greet him on his successful flight. I watched him hang on for awhile and I thought, “Isn’t that just like life? Sometimes we’re pushed out of the nest too soon. We’re not ready to fly and don’t even think we can, when really all we needed was one person to believe that you could and you can fly away.” Yes. I think that can be exactly life for you sometimes. Goodnight.
